I joined the church because I felt the Spirit tell me it was right, and I believed it was the path that I was supposed to follow. But before my baptism I told my friend that I’d still party every once in a while, and I told the missionaries that I was doing this because I believed it’s what we are commanded to do, but that I didn’t want to join the church. I didn’t want to be a “Mormon” (good for that missionary for having the faith to stick with me and baptize me anyway). As an outsider, something about it seemed cultish and I wasn’t down with that!
I had a change of heart when I went into the water though.
Literally, right as I came up out of the water, I wiped my face and said, “I’m
a Mormon!” I suddenly was totally okay with being viewed as a member of The
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I realized that I would never
“party” again… or at least never do those things that you do at parties.
So I joined the church because I knew that God had touched
my heart to follow this path, and I was going to do it no matter what, but
other than that, I was honestly pretty clueless. My sister was a ball of fire.
She understood instantly. She started serving as a ward missionary and was
amazing with her quick understanding of the gospel. I was not that fast. I
struggled, trying to understand the things I learned and have those things make
sense when they may have clashed with my previous beliefs. I became a recluse
studying the Book of Mormon even though I honestly didn’t know how to really study so
I just read it over and over again.
So sometime between 2000 and 2002 I decided to pray about
the Book of Mormon. I did it multiple times and each time the power of my
answer was intense!!! I knew it was truly translated from ancient records, that
the stories were true, and that they were scripture that God wanted on the
earth for His children. Just like the Bible, but from His disciples who were
living on the American continent.
Likewise, since I was baptized and ever since, I’ve pondered
on points of the gospel until they make sense or I have clarity in them, or in
other words, until I’ve gained a testimony in them. I was lucky that I had
gained a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon because as I struggled with
points of the doctrine I kept reminding myself that if the Book of Mormon was
true then there has got to be truth to what I was struggling with... I just
needed greater understanding. And as time went on it came… though sometimes it took
years… one such topic took me six years to understand. I just held on to what I
knew was true until it happened.
Anyhow, so I have a testimony in the Doctrine of Christ, I
have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, I have a testimony that God has blessed
us with Prophets and Apostles today and that those men are good, righteous men…
not because people are telling me that but because I can see for myself. Their
actions bear good fruit. And because of how I’ve grown and the spirit that they bring. I've been around some of them, I've felt the light of the Spirit radiating from them. I know they
have truly been commissioned by God to share His word. But... something I never
really had… A testimony in Joseph Smith.
I know we learn line upon line and
precept upon precept. Well, when it came to Joseph Smith my first line was
realizing that if the Book of Mormon is true, and the church is true, and the
priesthood really was restored, then it stands to reason that Joseph Smith
really was a prophet, and a primary instrument in bringing about the
restoration of the same church organization that existed while Christ was on
the earth. But even with this mathematical summation I still had a few doubts
in him. I just never really KNEW it... never really FELT it! You know what I mean.
Well today, while reading a transcript from some talk given
at some meeting a few years ago, I realized what a feat it would have been for
him to accomplish all that he did, had it not been for divine instruction.
He would have had to come up with some crazy story about his
own spiritual experience. Then stick to it for however many years, watching
friends and family get persecuted because they believed him, then going to
prison how many times for it, and finally being murdered by a mob because of
it. That’s some conviction!
Along with that, there’s the Book of Mormon… I think of all
the work and planning that goes into writing a 120 page script… all the changes
to make the story more sound... I just don’t know how plausible it is to think
that he came up with a concept for a story that spanned hundreds, maybe thousands
of year (sorry, I don’t have a BOM with me right now so I can’t give an
accurate number at this moment), that fulfilled prophecies talked about
throughout the Bible, which also spanned however many years, and yet never
created an outline, never took notes on what needed to be in it, never said to
his scribe “hmm, that concept doesn’t totally work, let’s come back to it and
re-work it.” Nope, it was just him reading to a scribe who wrote for hours on
end without going back, without scribbling out errors… just straight writing…
And in the end came some powerful stories that, like I said, spanned thousands
of years. So either it was really transcribed from ancient writing or Joseph
Smith was a literary genius… I’m leaning toward the first.
Then along with all that, he organized a church, he prepared
lessons and taught, he expounded on gospel principles, he had a family, he did
a ton! I think of how I try to do it all right now and I struggle and fail
miserably!!! I really believe that the only way he could have accomplished so
much, learned so much, and taught so much in the short span of his life is
because he was receiving inspiration from God. And he was receiving that
inspiration because he was called to be an instrument in restoring the fullness
of Christ’s gospel to the earth.
I know this isn’t a perfect testimony but it’s another line
that is building my testimony in him, and I’m glad to have it.
