Sweet Emery Huff - Labor, Delivery and More

We have a new addition to our little family – our wonderful, little Sweet Emery Huff, born almost one week ago. Because of my own curiosity of the labor and delivery process I like to write about my experience in the hopes that it'll give someone else that little piece of insight that they were looking for. But also... it's been a huge help to me, as I go from kid to kid. Helping me remember details that I would have otherwise forgotten. I also like to print them out and add them to their baby books.
 

What's In A Name

This is how the conversation goes: "What are you having?" someone will ask. "A girl," I respond. "Do you have a name picked out?" generally follows. "Yes, but it's kind of hippie," I say, in an effort to prepare them for the name, "we're naming her Sweet." (crickets) "Sweet???" they ask with a blank stare on their faces. "Yeah, Sweet, like sugar." Then with a tilted head and a forced smile, "Ah, that's cute!" But they don't really think it's cute. Haha!!! And I don't care, because Jon and I had this name picked out since we were in college and we love it!

People always ask how we came up with it, so here's the background: Counting Crows (our absolute favorite band) does a cover of a song called Friend of the Devil – it was originally sung by The Grateful Dead, but Counting Crows' version is our favorite because they aren't just singing a song, they're telling a story. In the song they say, "Got two reasons why I cry away each lonely night. The first one's named Sweet Ann Marie, she's my hearts delight..." Back when we first heard the song we thought they were saying "Sweet Emery" and one night while driving around Vegas one of us joked that Sweet Emery sounded like a name and what if we named our daughter that... somehow what started out as a joke quickly became a locked and loaded decision – someday we'd have a little girl and name her Sweet Emery Huff. It wasn't until years later that we realized that they said, "Sweet Ann Marie" but we didn't care – Sweet Emery would one day be a part of our family.

Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery

The beginning of my pregnancy was a bit stressful because I had a few weeks of bleeding when we thought we'd lose the baby. It turned out to be placenta previa which later moved (Thank you, Heavenly Father!!!) And we also had to do some additional down syndrome testing which turned out to be a false alarm (Again, thank you, Heavenly Father!!!) But after that the pregnancy ran smoothly, minus some pretty hefty anemia exhaustion when I ate the wrong foods.

Anyhow, as always I planned to go natural (if conditions allowed). I was due on Sunday, January 8th but I had no delusions that I'd actually go before then because I never had in the past. Thursday, January 12th I had a check up. I was 80-90% effaced, the baby was and had been at a -1 station, and I was dilated to above a 4 (but not quite a 5). My "line in the sand" induction date was set for Monday, January 16th at 6:30am.

So, Friday morning I was woken up at 5:30am by Knox, who was crying that his mouth hurt – apparently his mouth was dry and he was thirsty. I went into his room and within seconds I thought I had peed on myself. I said, "Oh no! Knox, I have to go to the bathroom! Let me get dad to help you." After going to the bathroom I stood up only to find me peeing on myself again, and then again... I was slow to realize that it wasn't pee. So, if I wasn't before, I was now wide awake, and I had to get Jon to that same point. He kept brushing me off and going back to sleep.

Within 5-10 minutes (15 max) I had my first labor contraction and I realized that we needed to move fast. I could tell that if I wasn't at a 5 before, I was now (that's the great thing about natural deliveries, you can tell your progress). My mom arrived as Jon and I were backing out of the driveway (we weren't leaving the boys asleep and unattended, we were just getting prepared for her arrival – she had called that she was just around the corner).

Addition: Something I completely forgot – when we arrived at the hospital, I believe we entered in at the emergency room. I can't exactly remember but they pointed us in the direction to go and were like, "Go down that hall, turn left at this and then right at this and blah, blah, blah." Either way it looked like a maze and we were completely lost. Jon was trying to get me to hurry but I had to stop when the contractions came. Luckily while I was stopped with one of the contractions a nurse walked by and asked if we were trying to get to labor and delivery. She pointed us in the right direction and my fear of delivering in the hospital floor in a maze of hallways and doors soon ended.

By 6am I was in the hospital room. The woman who was helping us told me to get into a robe and that a nurse would be in to help us shortly... but then no one came. Jon and I took this time to say a quick prayer together and I asked Jon to give me a blessing. It was probably 10-15 minutes, maybe even 20 before the nurse finally came in and I could tell that I had already progressed again. She checked me, I was at a 5/6, and I was really wanting that Fentynel! (Fentynel is a drug that takes the edge off the contractions) So she left to call my Dr and order the meds. It felt like she was gone forever (again) and I had already felt myself progress twice. She checked and I was right, I was now at an 8/9. She hooked me up to the IV and injected the fentynel – I was in heaven! Not really, but the 8/9 contractions felt like 5/6 contractions. It was heavenly to be that far and have my pain deluded so much!!! I'm guessing the Dr. arrived around 7:45am and when he checked I was already at a 10 but didn't quite have the desire to push yet.

My Dr. was amazing. He knew I wanted to go natural and I feared he'd push me too much, but no. He just came in and stood off to the side and calmly and quietly helped me along. He reassured me that if I wasn't feeling the baby progress I could do small pushes and that would help the baby move downward. I did it and he was right, it totally worked, and it didn't really hurt. I mean, it did hurt when the baby moved downward but I only had to do about 3-4 small stomach flexes which made her move once or twice before I felt the desire to push come on.

My contractions were coming large and then small, large and then small, unfortunately for me I started actually pushing at the down of a large contraction, but with one, maybe two pushes max, the Dr. jumped into gear because the head was exposed. My next contraction (a small one) came and I pushed as much and as hard as I could... the head was out but not yet to the eyes. And then... I had NO CONTRACTIONS – Oh the pain!!! The burning!!!!!!!!

Jon was holding one leg and a nurse, the other, but Jon wasn't holding it right and it was causing tons of back pain. I said, "Is there another nurse in here? Jon, you're sucking at this! No offense." They all cracked up, and the nurse who was prepping for the baby rushed over and took his place. I was grateful! (I'm also grateful that Jon didn't take offense because I couldn't help my comment in the heat of the moment)

I was pleading for God to send me another contraction so I could actually push. Finally, I got the strength to push and I'm guessing it must have been a contraction but I was already pushing so I don't know if one had come on or if I was given some super strength to actually push, either way, it was a blessing. I pushed, as hard and as much as I could and then the Dr. announced that the head was out. Oh, the tears of joy I cried!!! I just kept saying to no one in particular: "It's over, it's over... the pain, it's over..." This was the best labor I had ever experienced, EVER!!! Maybe that anyone had ever experienced ever!!! Yeah it hurt, but the amount of pain that I had experienced was so minor compared to my previous deliveries and it was all so fast and the progression was so perfect! I can only assume it's because I had nothing to progress the labor artificially (with Knox they used cervadale to get labor started and with Cylus they used pitocin after my water had already broken naturally). If this is what truly natural labor is like (excluding the fentynel – which I swear by and would continue to swear by if we were going to have more kids) I don't understand why anyone would get induced before their due date. My body progressed AMAZINGLY!!!! I'm still shocked by the simplicity and perfection of it all!!!

With my previous two deliveries this was when I got to finally relax... Just close my eyes while the Dr. got rid of all the other stuff and stitched me up... all pain free (or if there was pain, who cares because it was nothing compared to what I had just experienced)... not so this time...

The placenta wouldn't come out so the Dr. had to push and prod on my stomach... OH, THE PAIN!!! I don't know what all had to come out but apparently the pushing and prodding was never going to end!!! He had to stick his whole hand inside to pull it out... SERIOUSLY, THE PAIN WOULD NEVER END!!! Then, I'm not sure if he thought there was more in there or if it was routine but he literally put his arm up in there... I felt him at my rib cage. He reached in to his elbow and felt around. It all hurt so bad, I just laid there squeezing Jon's arm and crying. Where was the fentynel now!!!??? (Side note – amid the pain I watched the nurse and she didn't seem surprised by this procedure so I assumed it was something she'd seen done before. Either that or they both hated me and wanted to torture me in a completely gruesome way!)

But then I was so grateful because it was finally over... or so I thought...

I had about an hour before we'd be moved to postpartum so we ordered breakfast – I was starving!!! The baby was healthy and perfect and I was so grateful that it was all over – I just sat there relishing the fact that our family was complete and I wouldn't have to do this EVER AGAIN!!!

So, we move to our room and again, I was just relaxing. Jon went to the nursery to give Sweet Emery her first bath and I was talking to my mom, who had called me because she was having trouble getting a show on for the boys. I was in the middle of talking to her when I felt something really gross – two huge gushes of blood came out of me, but they felt funny – they felt like two water balloons that just came rolling out. It was disgusting!!! I said, "Ew, Mom I have to let you go and call the nurse." So the nurse came and checked and apparently I had released two extremely large blood clots... we're talking the size of a football each. She removed them and weighed them and I thought it was over. She helped me go to the bathroom and while there I felt another one fall out. So, not to be gross, but she bent down and watched as I finished peeing to see if another one would come out. I stopped peeing and liquid kept pouring out of me. I said, "What is that?" She said, "You're peeing." I said, "No, I'm not, what is that?" It was amniotic fluid that was just pouring out of me. It was so weird...

So she laid me back down and went to call the Dr. and while there I had another one come out. Another nurse came in. She seemed calm at first but then became nervous. She was shaking and I thought maybe she was new or something. Just in case, I called the nursery to ask Jon to return and apparently right before the call came he saw the nurses racing to my room and he got a little nervous... the call didn't help... He came back immediately and I was grateful!!!

Then it all happened so fast. The football sized blood clots kept coming and there were about 8 nurses in my room poking and prodding on my already pained uterus. I was getting so tired, I felt like I could barely stay awake. They kept saying, "Oh!" and making a troubled face every time another one came out. I'm honestly not sure how my body was producing these giant blood clots so fast. Maybe they were wondering the same thing... I told them that it hurt and asked if I could go to sleep while they worked – they said no. Jon asked why and the main nurse said, "Because she might not wake up." I tried my hardest to stay awake – I did not want to NOT wake up!!! I wondered if I was hemorrhaging but didn't know for sure since they weren't using that term, so I prayed and pleaded with God that if my spirit left my body that it would return. I kept shaking my head and waving my arms in the air, anything I could do that would keep my focus in reality. Staying awake felt almost impossible. My ears had closed up and my peripheral vision was becoming cloudy – kind of like when you've been driving way too long and you can barely keep your eyes open. I kept zoning out and then shaking my head to wake myself up. The nurses were saying stuff like, "stay awake," "don't fall asleep," "stay with us," and I guess at one point Jon said my eyes were closed and they either said "Erika!" or "Wake up!" and my eyes shot back open, I don't remember it but I guess that's to be expected.

Since my Dr. had checked out to hit up a temple session they had to get a hold of his partner to help with the situation. While it was less convenient that my Dr. wasn't there I was glad that he was somewhere that would bless our situation. Anyhow, my Dr's partner was a sweet older man who rubbed my legs and said comforting words. Apparently they were going to do something in the room, right then and there (Jon later told me that they had a bunch of crazy equipment laid out on a table) but the Dr. decided they should start with an emergency D&C, and if that didn't work they'd move on to an emergency hysterectomy. In my dazed stupor I thought – either that'll be awesome because I won't have to worry about having more kids, or I'll start growing a beard... that would suck!!!

The Dr. left to prep. Jon asked if we could get oil and if the Dr. was LDS and could help with a blessing. He was, and did and I was grateful!!! They got back with the anesthesiologist and moved me to another bed. When I looked back, my previous bed was covered in this huge blood stain. I apologized... Haha! My mom taught me well – even amid chaos I'm still polite. ;)

Anyhow, I tried to be brave because I assumed it wasn't something to cry about, but I whimpered the whole way to the surgery room. They knocked me out and then it was over... and I was off to recovery.

Thank goodness – no emergency hysterectomy, no woman beard, and no inability to wake up!!!! The only outcomes: I can't breast feed (but I wasn't planning on it), and if I want to avoid another situation like that, I probably shouldn't have any more kids (which is fine because Sweet was our last – if we can help it!!!). Other than that, I just have to pump myself full of estrogen a few times a week until my uterus heals up. I've had a number of D&C's from miscarriages and I guess this one kind of topped it off – there's a lot of scar tissue...

Concluding Thoughts

I have a few concluding thoughts...

First off, my Dr. – I love him! The attending nurse who was there for my delivery stayed with me the whole time, even when they took me in for the D&C. She was amazing! I love her! She was like a guardian angel and I really believe that I went into labor at the time that I did so that she could be with me. The Dr. who did the D&C – I'm so grateful for him, he brought me comfort from his years of experience and wonderful kindness. I was glad that he performed the D&C. The nursery nurse – I'm so grateful for her. She was so down to earth and made Jon laugh even when the day was kind of sucking! She also was so confident with the baby that I felt comfortable leaving Sweet with her for the entire day. And then even over and above that, the entire nursing staff that tended to me while I was in postpartum – they all felt like family. So kind and sociable and just wonderful!!! I love the staff at the Davis Hospital Women's Center!!!!!!

Second... I know this seems like it was just a crazy, negative experience but it actually was completely spiritual! From just weeks after conception Jon and I both started receiving inspiration about this pregnancy and delivery that followed all the way until the end. It was a great blessing that helped me to see that Heavenly Father is always talking to us and giving us guidance – we just need to listen.

A few verses in Mormon 9 sum it up for me, each speaking to a different aspect of our experience, but most especially verse 25. Heavenly Father gave us much inspiration and He did indeed confirm ALL His words to us.

21 Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.

24 And these signs shall follow them that believe—in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover;

25 And whosoever shall believe in my name, doubting nothing, unto him will I confirm all my words, even unto the ends of the earth.

37 And may the Lord Jesus Christ grant that their prayers may be answered according to their faith; and may God the Father remember the covenant which he hath made with the house of Israel; and may he bless them forever, through faith on the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Third and final thought – If you plan to bottle feed, don't listen to the lactitionist and bind yourself. I do this every time and it always makes me feel terrible – like I've been hit by car. I don't know why I continue to listen to their advice. If you want tips from my experience just FB me and I'll message you what I do and it works every time... without causing me to feel like my body is completely sick and shutting down.

Baby #2 Announcement

As you may or may not know, Jon and I are about to have baby #2. We're excited! He's due February 19th (my birthday).

We actually just published an announcement video, which admittedly is pretty lame and ugly but the song is cute. To our defense, for various reasons, we just simply waited too long and I couldn't seem to manage enough energy to film. My hands were shaky and by the end of the day I was so exhausted I simply couldn't see the shot anymore. (Originally I thought it was because I had just been out of shooting for so long but I realized later that it was just the fatigue). Anyhow, here it is and for what it's worth, enjoy!
 

Cylus from Erika & Jon Huff on Vimeo.

Labor

Disclaimer: This post will most likely have some information that would definitely qualify as TMI. I'm posting it because I wanted as much information as possible when I was going through it and I thought my input would help someone else.

I know that everyone's experience is different so take it for what its worth, but when I was pregnant and prior to pregnancy, I wanted to know what the heck it was all about. I felt like I always heard women say (in what always sounds like a negative tone) "yeah, wait till you get pregnant," or "wait till you have kids," or all the drama that's made about how it ruins your body and stuff. Anyhow, it made me NEVER want to have kids. I'm talking NEVER!!! Plus - they're freaking loud as heck at church and I was in primary long enough to scar me for life. But anyhow, I have to admit, the only reason I did it was because I knew that it was for sure my time. Inspiration - if you will. But even after I got pregnant I was a bit bummed out for the first few months. My life and body were ruined! Or so I thought...

Anyhow, regarding labor:

People always say there is nothing they can tell you that could prepare you for the pain you'll feel during labor. Um, I beg to differ. I have 10 words for you...

Lactose intolerance, lower back pain, biggest crap of your life!!!

So I'm just going to tell you how it went down and maybe something will apply to you.

First off, I went natural, and in case you're not totally sure what this means... like myself, I was pretty clueless (which is why I have some stuff in italics below... that's all stuff I learned from the experience)... this means I did not get an epidural. I have a bunch of reasons for not...

• I'm afraid of the needle
• I had spinal surgery years ago
• I'm afraid of dealing with whatever consequences might come if the anesthesiologist screws up
• I'm not a fan of medication (for myself... but in general I know its a good thing to have)
• I had a funny little mess up in high school and now I can't stand not being in control of my body (drug-wise)

However, I did use morphine, and that was AWESOME!!!

Okay, so anyhow...

The beginning of January I went in and was already dilated to a 2 and 75% effaced. The Dr thought I would pop by the end of the month and I was stoked!

75% effaced means 75% of my cervix was gone.

So, two weeks later I went back and I hadn't budged, except now I was 80% effaced. Two weeks went by and I was finally at a 3... but I stayed that way until my due date, which was February 10th. I wasn't moving at all and the Dr suggested I be induced. He knew I wanted to go natural so he said he's able to give me one more week but he couldn't promise there would be any change and I'd have to be induced by the end of that next week.

Going natural you don't want to be induced because it'll make your contractions a hundred times worse.

If you wait longer than a week past your due date it increases your chances of still birth.

So, the Dr. went out of the room and Jon and I started talking... if we wait, the baby will be bigger, I'll be pregnant another week, there's no guarantee it'll happen naturally and my birthday and our anniversary was that weekend. So we decided we'd find out our options when the Dr. came back in... The Dr.'s plan was this: Sunday the 12th at 10PM I'd check into the hospital, and they'd give me a dose of a cervidale.

Cervidale is used to thin out your cervix. My sister told me that when she got it, it was so painful she sat in the shower crying from the pain. This would be the first tier of pain.

Then at 6AM they would break my water.

Breaking the water makes the pain more severe. This would have been the second tier of pain.

Then they'd start me on petosin.

This is what they use when they say "you're being induced." Petosin is what puts you in labor and if you're going natural its very painful. Contractions have a gradual beginning, a peak and then a decline and they gradually get stronger... but with petosin they're sharper and you're not weened into the pain, it just starts. So its pretty painful.

Then he figured sometime around noon Knox would be delivered. I reluctantly agreed, knowing that if I wussed out, I didn't have to go to the hospital, I could just wait.

The Dr.'s big hope was that since I was at a 3 and 80% effaced that the cervidale would knock me into labor, but he wasn't going to count on that. This Dr. appointment was on Friday and I had until Sunday to make myself pop naturally... the only way to ensure I wouldn't be induced... I tried everything! Twice... Nothing worked.

I like to test myself and this seemed like the ultimate test to me, but I have to admit, Saturday night I was balling in the shower because of being so freaked out! I kept going back and forth on sticking with Sunday or wussing out. But every time I prayed about it, I knew it was right, and there were a lot of little things that told me it was right. The scriptures I would open up to all had to do with manning up and facing your fears for the greater good and that the experience would benefit me. The talks at church that day were all on the same topic... and the funny thing. Like during the whole pregnancy I kept telling Jon I wanted it to rain when I went into labor... it rained that day. LOL. I know its silly but it meant something to me... Anyhow, I knew it was right... so I went...

So at 10PM we went to the hospital. I told the nurse the Dr's goal about the cervidale knocking me into labor and she laughed and said that she'd been a nurse for 15 years and had only seen that work once...  Jon and I just looked at each other... I think we were both counting on that saving me from the pain. But anyhow, by 11PM they had given me my first dose of cervidale and told me to go to sleep that tomorrow would be a long day... so I did... Well, as much as I could... the delivery bed is not as comfortable as a regular hospital bed. Anyhow, at 3:30AM the nurse woke me up and asked if I was feeling any contractions. I wasn't but apparently they were coming every 3-4 minutes. So she gave me another dose and told me to go back to bed... so I did...

Cervedales can be given two different ways... one goes "down there"... the other is a pill. My sister got the first and that might be why hers was so painful... I got the pill and didn't notice any changes happening to my body.

So that was at 3:30AM and at 4:30AM I woke up with what felt like a sift, extremely direct kick, with perfect aim, right in the butt. I didn't know if I suddenly had to rock one, or if Knox had just hit me, or if it was a dream... it was so sharp and quick that I was like... did that really happen? Then the stomach ache started and I was like, OH NO! I'm having a lactose intolerance attack. CRAP! Worse timing ever!!! So I got up and was a little freaked out bracing myself at the foot of my bed, I wasn't sure what to do... I stood frozen for about 15 minutes before I woke Jon up and asked him if he was feeling sick, but he was fine. Then the lower back pain gradually started with each spell of lactose intolerance pain and Jon told me to call the nurse... so I did...

Funny thing... Jon had a kidney stone years ago and thought he was having a lactose intolerance attack... people say kidney stones are the closest a guy can come to feeling the pain of having a baby... so when I was trying to figure out what it would feel like, Jon said, "its probably like a lactose intolerance attack"... one of two people who described the pain the best... a guy... funny right!

So when the nurse came in she checked me and found that I was now dilated to a 5 and she offered me morphine, which I gladly accepted. It was awesome and totally took the lactose intolerance pain away and the edge off the lower back pain.

Lactose intolerance pains are like contractions because if they were on a graph they'd form a little hill. Starting soft, a gradual incline, a peak and then it descends as it fades away.

Anyhow, around 5 / 5:30AM I asked the nurse to check me again because the pain had taken a noticeable step up.

Also, for me, the lower back pain was the worst pain of the labor. Which is probably why they give epidurals because its to numb the lower back.

I was at an 8. With that the nurses jumped into gear and started to zip in and out, prepping the room. They told me that I would start to feel like I wanted to push but I shouldn't do that yet.

If you push before you're at a 10, I believe its your uterus... anyway, it can swell and that's bad. 

To be honest it wasn't hard not to push. The only time it was, was when I had to pee and that's only because I was sitting on a toilet and labor feels like all the fuss is over one giant crap that you need to get out of your body.

Anyhow, when I went to the bathroom all my inhibitions were shot and I totally peed with the door open in front of Jon and a bunch of nurses coming in and out of the room. But the weird thing was that I couldn't pee, I think Knox's weight was stopping it. I had to push a little but was finally able to and with that a contraction started and I leaned over and asked Jon to rub my back... on the toilet and everything... but apparently when I leaned over Jon looked in the toilet and noticed that my water had broken but didn't want to tell me and freak me out. So he went out and tried telling the nurses but they weren't paying him much attention, so when I finally got out and they checked me again the nurse was like... did your water break? Jon was like... UH YEAH!

Apparently Jon knew it was the water that had broken because it was cloudy. I'm only telling you this because I always wondered if I would be confused and think I had peed myself. Apparently they look different so you'll be able to tell.

It was about this time that I started to feel like I had to crap and my body wanted to push (not in a gross poo way, but that's actually what labor feels like), so knowing that I wasn't supposed to push, every once in a while I'd just flex my stomach and it would lessen the urge.

At 6:30AM I was at a 10. They gave me the green light on pushing but I wasn't allowed to push too hard before the Dr. arrived.

Side note... people alway say that pushing makes the pain go away... I can't say that's totally true... it just makes the pain a little more subdued. If you push instinctively it was way less painful than when the nurses told me to push for 10. 

When Dr. Ward finally entered the building, two nurses (one on each side) grabbed my legs, held them up to my chest and told me to bear down.

Bear down means to push as hard as you can.

I did but after the first go I knew it didn't feel right, I was pushing too soon and my body, though dilated to a 10, wasn't ready. Plus, for the first five seconds it takes the contraction pain away but at 5 the back pain would shoot back in and I'd lose any push power. Anyway, after that I pushed a few times at their demand but had they read my birth plan they'd know I wanted to push instinctively and this was not instinctively. So I kept pushing their hands away and trying to get them away from me but they kept trying.

For me, this knees to chest way of pushing is so uncomfortable. They only do it that way because it opens the junk up more. I tried the bath and walking for contractions and that didn't work at all for me. And even having Jon rub my back, like they always suggest, made the pain worse. It was best to just not have anyone touch me and take the pain myself. And even pushing, I felt best when I was laying on my back with my legs in the air criss crossed. I'd hold my feet with one and and push. That felt fabulous! But the nurses wouldn't let me do it, which now annoys the crap out of me, but whatever... I'll know for next time... if there is a next time...

Luckily the Dr arrived. I pushed a few times at their demand but kept asking to push instinctively and finally the Dr told them to let me do it at my own time. I was so grateful!!! So I took a few contractions, pushed my own way and then I was ready.

With that a bunch of nurses came back in, I now let them pull my knees up without fighting them and started to push. After a push or two the Dr said that there was an area that would most likely rip and so he cut it but I ripped anyway. Just a little bit though - luckily. I've heard horror stories about that.

Cutting is called an episiotomy. I told Dr. I didn't want one unless absolutely necessary. Now, along with that, I don't know if I ripped because of the episiotomy or if I ripped so little because of it. Like did it cause the rip or did it save me from something even worse? I don't know... But I wouldn't recommend getting it unless the Dr sees its necessary because it takes way longer to heal. And it was very hard to sit down for a little more than a week. I had to sit on pillows to work.

Anyhow, this last half... when I was at a 10... the sensation of having to crap was so strong. I kept telling Jon that I just wanted it to be over so I could rock one. I think I said it like every 10 minutes or less for who knows how long. And even more, it started to feel like the biggest crap of your life... The the crap of all craps... The crap to make all other craps seem like a shart... A crap that would seriously rip you a new one... you get the picture...

Anyhow, the reason it felt so intense was because it was the head. I don't remember really having the lactose intolerance pain anymore but the back pain was pretty bad, or maybe I'm just a wuss when it comes to back pain. So basically back and butt pain. Both were like really sharp pains... more like a sting.

But the best part... once the head came out all the pain was gone! And the body is all bumpy because of shoulders and legs and stuff... and its all slimy... so when that part came out it honestly felt like a little massage to the area that had just had so much pain. It honestly made it feel better. Heavenly Father knows what he's doing...

Last was the placenta and that hurts a little coming out, but after the head it felt like nothing.

Anyhow, that was labor for me and Knox was born at 7:58PM... I don't know that I'll do it again... and I don't judge people who want an epidural... I say kudos to them for having the balls to get it... I was a wuss... but all-in-all... if I had to do it again, I'd still go natural.

That's my labor story. Hope it didn't scare you to death, I hope it just gave you one account and you can use it as you please. I just hope it gives you a little glimps into what the experience was like for me so you're not totally clueless. So again, hope it helps.

PS. I gave credit to Jon for the lactose intolerance reference. Cass, my sister, coined the phrase "the biggest crap of your life," and both she and my mom warned me about the back pain.

OH! Tips...

• Everyone says to sleep in the hospital because you'll need it. Do! We just wrote that off and regretted it.
• If you've never really bathed a new born, go with the nurse to do it. Jon and I were clueless and still were, even after we watched the nurse but a few things stuck.
• Have something you can put the kid on after you have them... like a seat... so you don't have to hold them 24/7. Jon and I were sleep deprived and at a breaking point. A little swing saved us.
• Don't scrimp on diapers! Pampers are the best, Huggies suck... they leak like crazy!
• And despite what everyone says, YOU CAN OVERFEED A BABY!!! We did because he had a stomach ache and thought it meant he was hungry.
• Diaper rash - screw meds... use bag balm (you can get it in the meds section of Costco or on Amazon), and cornstartch. Took it away in a day and you don't have to call poison control if you get it near their face. :)
• The people who bring you food are lifesavers because you probably would forget to eat if they weren't there!!!

And about your body -

• People say you drop 20lbs instantly... Not so for me... I dropped 10 sometime in the first week, then another 10 after the 1st month, and so forth... I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight 3-4 months after I popped.
• One thing no one mentioned was that it hurt like CRAZY to take care of buidness afterward... I'm talking about rocking a duce... I don't know what it feels like to anyone else but I would go to the farthest bathroom because I would be in tears... it went on for about 6 months... horrible, horrible pain!!! Well, I just found out like a month ago that you're not supposed to have that pain. It means there was a tear inside that I didn't get fixed right away. It of course healed over time but tell your Dr. if you have severe pain while taking care of buidness... they have a pill you can take (or something like that) that will heal it
• Not everyone gets roids. I did not! And I'm so grateful!!! That was one of my biggest fears!!!

Pregnancy

Disclaimer: This post will most likely have some information that would definitely qualify as TMI. I'm posting it because I wanted as much information as possible when I was going through it and I thought my input would help someone else.

I know that everyone's experience is different so take it for what its worth, but when I was pregnant and prior to pregnancy, I wanted to know what the heck it was all about. I felt like I always heard women say (in what always sounds like a negative tone) "yeah, wait till you get pregnant," or "wait till you have kids," or all the drama that's made about how it ruins your body and stuff. Anyhow, it made me NEVER want to have kids. I'm talking NEVER!!! Plus - they're freaking loud as heck at church and I was in primary long enough to scar me for life. But anyhow, I have to admit, the only reason I did it was because I knew that it was for sure my time. Inspiration - if you will. But even after I got pregnant I was a bit bummed out for the first few months. My life and body were ruined! Or so I thought...

Anyhow, regarding pregnancy:

First off, this is totally my opinion, but when people say: "you'll never be ready," in a way that tells you to just have kids now - that's bull!!! You will reach a point when it doesn't matter that you haven't got the home or job you want, you'll just know its the right time. Even if it is 8 years down the road. I am so glad we didn't succumb to all the people who fed us that line. Everyone is different and gets there at a different time and well... that's okay because its between you and Heavenly Father.

Second, the body during pregnancy... People make it sound like you have zero bladder control... you pee every two seconds and every time you sneeze or laugh... not so...

I went through spells of having to pee like crazy: about a month at the beginning, about a month in the middle and then at the very end. But it wasn't an inconvenience because all of the changes on your body are so subtle that you don't really notice them.

The only time it applied to me was during about the last month, and that's only because at that stage they double in size and their head rests right on your bladder. So for me I would be fine and then when I had to pee, I was like WHERE IS A BATHROOM! The sensation of holding it for a while would come on pretty fast... but only when I was walking around... I don't remember getting that feeling when I was sitting... and it was probably every hour and a half or so. I never experienced peeing on myself while laughing. I do admit that I had a few sneeze episodes but ONLY when I was about to use the bathroom... like already in there and about to do my thing. I guess just because my guard was down or something. Oh, and one time I was sick and Jon talked me into using a netty pot and he kept saying I was using it right but it was making me want to hurl... and then I started to hurl... yeah... you pee when you puke (but I puked a lot during pregnancy and only had that issue in my last month sooo... I wouldn't be worried about the pee thing... and again, its a subtle change and happens so rarely that I wouldn't be concerned. And its not like you pee all over yourself, its like a super small amount, just a few drops that break through and that's about it.

Along with that people make things sound long lasting and totally extreme... not always... I only had one week where I was craving salsa, one week where smells got to me, and one week of extreme PMS (this was about two weeks into pregnancy, maybe three, and then it was gone).

However, I did have extreme "morning sickness," and it was not just in the morning. It lasted about two months for me (months 4 and 5), but they have pills that can help you to feel better... I didn't discover them until my last two weeks of morning sickness but it was still worth it. And to help myself make it through at work, I would eat grapes when I felt sick. Last, I had energy the whole time... almost till the end. I started to get a little tired at the end, but that's because again... at the end, they double in size so a lot of positions and movements become awkward. And I think my body would try to do the movements and because I couldn't, or at least not with ease, trying wore me out and then my body just took that to say, hey... I'm tired... I can't bend over... I want to just lay down.

Oh, there were only two things that drove me nuts during pregnancy. 1.) the morning sickness, 2.) For the first few months I was starving, nonstop! I could eat a huge meal and then within five minutes my stomach was burning like I hadn't eaten all day. I didn't want to get huge so I started taking grapes, baby carrots and goldfish with me everywhere. I'd just munch on them between meals. It worked well too because during my first five months I only gained five pounds.

However, around six months Jon and I started to go broke because of my job situation, and my sister was nice enough to take me out to lunch a lot to make sure I ate while at work. So nice of her!!! The only problem is that I can't say no to food and it was quite often the fast kind and well.. I gained 20lbs in 2 months!!! WOW!!! That was months 6 and 7. Something else that came from this diet change... I started to get heart burn. If I could go back, I would have made fast food trips a totally rare thing!!! That's one of my biggest regrets.

My other regret is that I didn't use lotion on my stomach enough. I got stretch marks... So, I was told, when your stomach itches, put lotion on and don't scratch it because that's how you get stretch marks. I say don't wait till it itches, just use lotion! My stomach wasn't the itchy type and the stretch marks showed up over night. That's not an exaggeration, it was a literal overnight change! What I wish I would have done, is the day the Dr said the baby was going to double in size (starting during the 7th month), I should have started that day applying lotion... I waited till month 8 and not on a daily basis...

Soo... basically, as of right now, two pieces are a thing of the past. I'm very disappointed in myself... it was my own mistake and I'm now using maderma twice a day... and luckily its on my lower stomach so at least its not all over like I've seen online.

Anyhow, I think that's about all I can think of regarding pregnancy. But all-in-all, it wasn't bad at all. The changes were so subtle that it doesn't feel weird and doesn't feel like an inconvenience or anything. However, when the baby starts kicking, it feels really funny, but not terrible, just weird. Take your thumb and do a little jab into your stomach... that's what it felt like... but from the inside out. And when it gets bigger, its even more interesting. Really cool-interesting though.

Okay, so I can't think of anything else about pregnancy but if you have any questions let me know. I can help out as much as I can.