Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Line Upon Line

Everything comes line upon line... today I got another line...

I joined the church because I felt the Spirit tell me it was right, and I believed it was the path that I was supposed to follow. But before my baptism I told my friend that I’d still party every once in a while, and I told the missionaries that I was doing this because I believed it’s what we are commanded to do, but that I didn’t want to join the church. I didn’t want to be a “Mormon” (good for that missionary for having the faith to stick with me and baptize me anyway). As an outsider, something about it seemed cultish and I wasn’t down with that!

I had a change of heart when I went into the water though. Literally, right as I came up out of the water, I wiped my face and said, “I’m a Mormon!” I suddenly was totally okay with being viewed as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I realized that I would never “party” again… or at least never do those things that you do at parties.

So I joined the church because I knew that God had touched my heart to follow this path, and I was going to do it no matter what, but other than that, I was honestly pretty clueless. My sister was a ball of fire. She understood instantly. She started serving as a ward missionary and was amazing with her quick understanding of the gospel. I was not that fast. I struggled, trying to understand the things I learned and have those things make sense when they may have clashed with my previous beliefs. I became a recluse studying the Book of Mormon even though I honestly didn’t know how to really study so I just read it over and over again.

So sometime between 2000 and 2002 I decided to pray about the Book of Mormon. I did it multiple times and each time the power of my answer was intense!!! I knew it was truly translated from ancient records, that the stories were true, and that they were scripture that God wanted on the earth for His children. Just like the Bible, but from His disciples who were living on the American continent.

Likewise, since I was baptized and ever since, I’ve pondered on points of the gospel until they make sense or I have clarity in them, or in other words, until I’ve gained a testimony in them. I was lucky that I had gained a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon because as I struggled with points of the doctrine I kept reminding myself that if the Book of Mormon was true then there has got to be truth to what I was struggling with... I just needed greater understanding. And as time went on it came… though sometimes it took years… one such topic took me six years to understand. I just held on to what I knew was true until it happened.

Anyhow, so I have a testimony in the Doctrine of Christ, I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, I have a testimony that God has blessed us with Prophets and Apostles today and that those men are good, righteous men… not because people are telling me that but because I can see for myself. Their actions bear good fruit. And because of how I’ve grown and the spirit that they bring. I've been around some of them, I've felt the light of the Spirit radiating from them. I know they have truly been commissioned by God to share His word. But... something I never really had… A testimony in Joseph Smith.

I know we learn line upon line and precept upon precept. Well, when it came to Joseph Smith my first line was realizing that if the Book of Mormon is true, and the church is true, and the priesthood really was restored, then it stands to reason that Joseph Smith really was a prophet, and a primary instrument in bringing about the restoration of the same church organization that existed while Christ was on the earth. But even with this mathematical summation I still had a few doubts in him. I just never really KNEW it... never really FELT it! You know what I mean.

Well today, while reading a transcript from some talk given at some meeting a few years ago, I realized what a feat it would have been for him to accomplish all that he did, had it not been for divine instruction.

He would have had to come up with some crazy story about his own spiritual experience. Then stick to it for however many years, watching friends and family get persecuted because they believed him, then going to prison how many times for it, and finally being murdered by a mob because of it. That’s some conviction!

Along with that, there’s the Book of Mormon… I think of all the work and planning that goes into writing a 120 page script… all the changes to make the story more sound... I just don’t know how plausible it is to think that he came up with a concept for a story that spanned hundreds, maybe thousands of year (sorry, I don’t have a BOM with me right now so I can’t give an accurate number at this moment), that fulfilled prophecies talked about throughout the Bible, which also spanned however many years, and yet never created an outline, never took notes on what needed to be in it, never said to his scribe “hmm, that concept doesn’t totally work, let’s come back to it and re-work it.” Nope, it was just him reading to a scribe who wrote for hours on end without going back, without scribbling out errors… just straight writing… And in the end came some powerful stories that, like I said, spanned thousands of years. So either it was really transcribed from ancient writing or Joseph Smith was a literary genius… I’m leaning toward the first.

Then along with all that, he organized a church, he prepared lessons and taught, he expounded on gospel principles, he had a family, he did a ton! I think of how I try to do it all right now and I struggle and fail miserably!!! I really believe that the only way he could have accomplished so much, learned so much, and taught so much in the short span of his life is because he was receiving inspiration from God. And he was receiving that inspiration because he was called to be an instrument in restoring the fullness of Christ’s gospel to the earth.

I know this isn’t a perfect testimony but it’s another line that is building my testimony in him, and I’m glad to have it.

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