What's In A Name
This is how the conversation goes: "What
are you having?" someone will ask. "A girl," I respond. "Do you have a name
picked out?" generally follows. "Yes, but it's kind of hippie," I say, in
an effort to prepare them for the name, "we're naming her Sweet."
(crickets) "Sweet???" they ask with a blank stare on their faces. "Yeah,
Sweet, like sugar." Then with a tilted head and a forced smile, "Ah,
that's cute!" But they don't really think it's cute. Haha!!! And I don't
care, because Jon and I had this name picked out since we were in
college and we love it!People always ask how we came up with it, so here's the background: Counting Crows (our absolute favorite band) does a cover of a song called Friend of the Devil – it was originally sung by The Grateful Dead, but Counting Crows' version is our favorite because they aren't just singing a song, they're telling a story. In the song they say, "Got two reasons why I cry away each lonely night. The first one's named Sweet Ann Marie, she's my hearts delight..." Back when we first heard the song we thought they were saying "Sweet Emery" and one night while driving around Vegas one of us joked that Sweet Emery sounded like a name and what if we named our daughter that... somehow what started out as a joke quickly became a locked and loaded decision – someday we'd have a little girl and name her Sweet Emery Huff. It wasn't until years later that we realized that they said, "Sweet Ann Marie" but we didn't care – Sweet Emery would one day be a part of our family.
Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery
The beginning of my pregnancy was a bit stressful because I had a few weeks of bleeding when we thought we'd lose the baby. It turned out to be placenta previa which later moved (Thank you, Heavenly Father!!!) And we also had to do some additional down syndrome testing which turned out to be a false alarm (Again, thank you, Heavenly Father!!!) But after that the pregnancy ran smoothly, minus some pretty hefty anemia exhaustion when I ate the wrong foods.
Anyhow, as always I
planned to go natural (if conditions allowed). I was due on Sunday,
January 8th but I had no delusions that I'd actually go before then
because I never had in the past. Thursday, January 12th I had a check
up. I was 80-90% effaced, the baby was and had been at a -1 station, and
I was dilated to above a 4 (but not quite a 5). My "line in the sand"
induction date was set for Monday, January 16th at 6:30am.So, Friday morning I was woken up at 5:30am by Knox, who was crying that his mouth hurt – apparently his mouth was dry and he was thirsty. I went into his room and within seconds I thought I had peed on myself. I said, "Oh no! Knox, I have to go to the bathroom! Let me get dad to help you." After going to the bathroom I stood up only to find me peeing on myself again, and then again... I was slow to realize that it wasn't pee. So, if I wasn't before, I was now wide awake, and I had to get Jon to that same point. He kept brushing me off and going back to sleep.
Within 5-10 minutes (15 max) I had my first labor contraction and I realized that we needed to move fast. I could tell that if I wasn't at a 5 before, I was now (that's the great thing about natural deliveries, you can tell your progress). My mom arrived as Jon and I were backing out of the driveway (we weren't leaving the boys asleep and unattended, we were just getting prepared for her arrival – she had called that she was just around the corner).
Addition: Something I completely forgot – when we arrived at the hospital, I believe we entered in at the emergency room. I can't exactly remember but they pointed us in the direction to go and were like, "Go down that hall, turn left at this and then right at this and blah, blah, blah." Either way it looked like a maze and we were completely lost. Jon was trying to get me to hurry but I had to stop when the contractions came. Luckily while I was stopped with one of the contractions a nurse walked by and asked if we were trying to get to labor and delivery. She pointed us in the right direction and my fear of delivering in the hospital floor in a maze of hallways and doors soon ended.
By 6am I was in the hospital room. The woman who was helping us told me to get into a robe and that a nurse would be in to help us shortly... but then no one came. Jon and I took this time to say a quick prayer together and I asked Jon to give me a blessing. It was probably 10-15 minutes, maybe even 20 before the nurse finally came in and I could tell that I had already progressed again. She checked me, I was at a 5/6, and I was really wanting that Fentynel! (Fentynel is a drug that takes the edge off the contractions) So she left to call my Dr and order the meds. It felt like she was gone forever (again) and I had already felt myself progress twice. She checked and I was right, I was now at an 8/9. She hooked me up to the IV and injected the fentynel – I was in heaven! Not really, but the 8/9 contractions felt like 5/6 contractions. It was heavenly to be that far and have my pain deluded so much!!! I'm guessing the Dr. arrived around 7:45am and when he checked I was already at a 10 but didn't quite have the desire to push yet.
My Dr. was amazing. He knew I wanted to go natural and I feared he'd push me too much, but no. He just came in and stood off to the side and calmly and quietly helped me along. He reassured me that if I wasn't feeling the baby progress I could do small pushes and that would help the baby move downward. I did it and he was right, it totally worked, and it didn't really hurt. I mean, it did hurt when the baby moved downward but I only had to do about 3-4 small stomach flexes which made her move once or twice before I felt the desire to push come on.
My contractions were coming large and then small, large and then small, unfortunately for me I started actually pushing at the down of a large contraction, but with one, maybe two pushes max, the Dr. jumped into gear because the head was exposed. My next contraction (a small one) came and I pushed as much and as hard as I could... the head was out but not yet to the eyes. And then... I had NO CONTRACTIONS – Oh the pain!!! The burning!!!!!!!!
Jon was holding one leg and a nurse, the other, but Jon wasn't holding it right and it was causing tons of back pain. I said, "Is there another nurse in here? Jon, you're sucking at this! No offense." They all cracked up, and the nurse who was prepping for the baby rushed over and took his place. I was grateful! (I'm also grateful that Jon didn't take offense because I couldn't help my comment in the heat of the moment)
With
my previous two deliveries this was when I got to finally relax... Just
close my eyes while the Dr. got rid of all the other stuff and stitched
me up... all pain free (or if there was pain, who cares because it was
nothing compared to what I had just experienced)... not so this time...The placenta wouldn't come out so the Dr. had to push and prod on my stomach... OH, THE PAIN!!! I don't know what all had to come out but apparently the pushing and prodding was never going to end!!! He had to stick his whole hand inside to pull it out... SERIOUSLY, THE PAIN WOULD NEVER END!!! Then, I'm not sure if he thought there was more in there or if it was routine but he literally put his arm up in there... I felt him at my rib cage. He reached in to his elbow and felt around. It all hurt so bad, I just laid there squeezing Jon's arm and crying. Where was the fentynel now!!!??? (Side note – amid the pain I watched the nurse and she didn't seem surprised by this procedure so I assumed it was something she'd seen done before. Either that or they both hated me and wanted to torture me in a completely gruesome way!)
But then I was so grateful because it was finally over... or so I thought...
I had about an hour before we'd be moved to postpartum so we ordered breakfast – I was starving!!! The baby was healthy and perfect and I was so grateful that it was all over – I just sat there relishing the fact that our family was complete and I wouldn't have to do this EVER AGAIN!!!
So she laid me back down and went to call the Dr. and while there I had another one come out. Another nurse came in. She seemed calm at first but then became nervous. She was shaking and I thought maybe she was new or something. Just in case, I called the nursery to ask Jon to return and apparently right before the call came he saw the nurses racing to my room and he got a little nervous... the call didn't help... He came back immediately and I was grateful!!!
Then it all happened so fast. The football sized blood clots kept coming and there were about 8 nurses in my room poking and prodding on my already pained uterus. I was getting so tired, I felt like I could barely stay awake. They kept saying, "Oh!" and making a troubled face every time another one came out. I'm honestly not sure how my body was producing these giant blood clots so fast. Maybe they were wondering the same thing... I told them that it hurt and asked if I could go to sleep while they worked – they said no. Jon asked why and the main nurse said, "Because she might not wake up." I tried my hardest to stay awake – I did not want to NOT wake up!!! I wondered if I was hemorrhaging but didn't know for sure since they weren't using that term, so I prayed and pleaded with God that if my spirit left my body that it would return. I kept shaking my head and waving my arms in the air, anything I could do that would keep my focus in reality. Staying awake felt almost impossible. My ears had closed up and my peripheral vision was becoming cloudy – kind of like when you've been driving way too long and you can barely keep your eyes open. I kept zoning out and then shaking my head to wake myself up. The nurses were saying stuff like, "stay awake," "don't fall asleep," "stay with us," and I guess at one point Jon said my eyes were closed and they either said "Erika!" or "Wake up!" and my eyes shot back open, I don't remember it but I guess that's to be expected.
Since my Dr. had checked out to hit up a temple session they had to get a hold of his partner to help with the situation. While it was less convenient that my Dr. wasn't there I was glad that he was somewhere that would bless our situation. Anyhow, my Dr's partner was a sweet older man who rubbed my legs and said comforting words. Apparently they were going to do something in the room, right then and there (Jon later told me that they had a bunch of crazy equipment laid out on a table) but the Dr. decided they should start with an emergency D&C, and if that didn't work they'd move on to an emergency hysterectomy. In my dazed stupor I thought – either that'll be awesome because I won't have to worry about having more kids, or I'll start growing a beard... that would suck!!!
The Dr. left to prep. Jon asked if we could get oil and if the Dr. was LDS and could help with a blessing. He was, and did and I was grateful!!! They got back with the anesthesiologist and moved me to another bed. When I looked back, my previous bed was covered in this huge blood stain. I apologized... Haha! My mom taught me well – even amid chaos I'm still polite. ;)
Anyhow, I tried to be brave because I assumed it wasn't something to cry about, but I whimpered the whole way to the surgery room. They knocked me out and then it was over... and I was off to recovery.
Thank goodness – no emergency hysterectomy, no woman beard, and no inability to wake up!!!! The only outcomes: I can't breast feed (but I wasn't planning on it), and if I want to avoid another situation like that, I probably shouldn't have any more kids (which is fine because Sweet was our last – if we can help it!!!). Other than that, I just have to pump myself full of estrogen a few times a week until my uterus heals up. I've had a number of D&C's from miscarriages and I guess this one kind of topped it off – there's a lot of scar tissue...
Concluding Thoughts
I have a few concluding thoughts...
First off, my Dr. – I love him! The attending nurse who was there for my delivery stayed with me the whole time, even when they took me in for the D&C. She was amazing! I love her! She was like a guardian angel and I really believe that I went into labor at the time that I did so that she could be with me. The Dr. who did the D&C – I'm so grateful for him, he brought me comfort from his years of experience and wonderful kindness. I was glad that he performed the D&C. The nursery nurse – I'm so grateful for her. She was so down to earth and made Jon laugh even when the day was kind of sucking! She also was so confident with the baby that I felt comfortable leaving Sweet with her for the entire day. And then even over and above that, the entire nursing staff that tended to me while I was in postpartum – they all felt like family. So kind and sociable and just wonderful!!! I love the staff at the Davis Hospital Women's Center!!!!!!
Second... I know this seems like it was just a crazy, negative experience but it actually was completely spiritual! From just weeks after conception Jon and I both started receiving inspiration about this pregnancy and delivery that followed all the way until the end. It was a great blessing that helped me to see that Heavenly Father is always talking to us and giving us guidance – we just need to listen.
A few verses in Mormon 9 sum it up for me, each speaking to a different aspect of our experience, but most especially verse 25. Heavenly Father gave us much inspiration and He did indeed confirm ALL His words to us.
21 Behold,
I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing,
whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be
granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the
earth.
24 And these signs shall follow them that believe—in my name shall they cast out devils;
they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents; and if
they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover;
25 And whosoever shall believe in my name, doubting nothing, unto him will I confirm all my words, even unto the ends of the earth.
37 And
may the Lord Jesus Christ grant that their prayers may be answered
according to their faith; and may God the Father remember the covenant
which he hath made with the house of Israel; and may he bless them
forever, through faith on the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Third and final thought – If you plan to bottle feed, don't listen to the lactitionist and bind yourself. I do this every time and it always makes me feel terrible – like I've been hit by car. I don't know why I continue to listen to their advice. If you want tips from my experience just FB me and I'll message you what I do and it works every time... without causing me to feel like my body is completely sick and shutting down.
