Sweet Emery Huff - Labor, Delivery and More

We have a new addition to our little family – our wonderful, little Sweet Emery Huff, born almost one week ago. Because of my own curiosity of the labor and delivery process I like to write about my experience in the hopes that it'll give someone else that little piece of insight that they were looking for. But also... it's been a huge help to me, as I go from kid to kid. Helping me remember details that I would have otherwise forgotten. I also like to print them out and add them to their baby books.
 

What's In A Name

This is how the conversation goes: "What are you having?" someone will ask. "A girl," I respond. "Do you have a name picked out?" generally follows. "Yes, but it's kind of hippie," I say, in an effort to prepare them for the name, "we're naming her Sweet." (crickets) "Sweet???" they ask with a blank stare on their faces. "Yeah, Sweet, like sugar." Then with a tilted head and a forced smile, "Ah, that's cute!" But they don't really think it's cute. Haha!!! And I don't care, because Jon and I had this name picked out since we were in college and we love it!

People always ask how we came up with it, so here's the background: Counting Crows (our absolute favorite band) does a cover of a song called Friend of the Devil – it was originally sung by The Grateful Dead, but Counting Crows' version is our favorite because they aren't just singing a song, they're telling a story. In the song they say, "Got two reasons why I cry away each lonely night. The first one's named Sweet Ann Marie, she's my hearts delight..." Back when we first heard the song we thought they were saying "Sweet Emery" and one night while driving around Vegas one of us joked that Sweet Emery sounded like a name and what if we named our daughter that... somehow what started out as a joke quickly became a locked and loaded decision – someday we'd have a little girl and name her Sweet Emery Huff. It wasn't until years later that we realized that they said, "Sweet Ann Marie" but we didn't care – Sweet Emery would one day be a part of our family.

Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery

The beginning of my pregnancy was a bit stressful because I had a few weeks of bleeding when we thought we'd lose the baby. It turned out to be placenta previa which later moved (Thank you, Heavenly Father!!!) And we also had to do some additional down syndrome testing which turned out to be a false alarm (Again, thank you, Heavenly Father!!!) But after that the pregnancy ran smoothly, minus some pretty hefty anemia exhaustion when I ate the wrong foods.

Anyhow, as always I planned to go natural (if conditions allowed). I was due on Sunday, January 8th but I had no delusions that I'd actually go before then because I never had in the past. Thursday, January 12th I had a check up. I was 80-90% effaced, the baby was and had been at a -1 station, and I was dilated to above a 4 (but not quite a 5). My "line in the sand" induction date was set for Monday, January 16th at 6:30am.

So, Friday morning I was woken up at 5:30am by Knox, who was crying that his mouth hurt – apparently his mouth was dry and he was thirsty. I went into his room and within seconds I thought I had peed on myself. I said, "Oh no! Knox, I have to go to the bathroom! Let me get dad to help you." After going to the bathroom I stood up only to find me peeing on myself again, and then again... I was slow to realize that it wasn't pee. So, if I wasn't before, I was now wide awake, and I had to get Jon to that same point. He kept brushing me off and going back to sleep.

Within 5-10 minutes (15 max) I had my first labor contraction and I realized that we needed to move fast. I could tell that if I wasn't at a 5 before, I was now (that's the great thing about natural deliveries, you can tell your progress). My mom arrived as Jon and I were backing out of the driveway (we weren't leaving the boys asleep and unattended, we were just getting prepared for her arrival – she had called that she was just around the corner).

Addition: Something I completely forgot – when we arrived at the hospital, I believe we entered in at the emergency room. I can't exactly remember but they pointed us in the direction to go and were like, "Go down that hall, turn left at this and then right at this and blah, blah, blah." Either way it looked like a maze and we were completely lost. Jon was trying to get me to hurry but I had to stop when the contractions came. Luckily while I was stopped with one of the contractions a nurse walked by and asked if we were trying to get to labor and delivery. She pointed us in the right direction and my fear of delivering in the hospital floor in a maze of hallways and doors soon ended.

By 6am I was in the hospital room. The woman who was helping us told me to get into a robe and that a nurse would be in to help us shortly... but then no one came. Jon and I took this time to say a quick prayer together and I asked Jon to give me a blessing. It was probably 10-15 minutes, maybe even 20 before the nurse finally came in and I could tell that I had already progressed again. She checked me, I was at a 5/6, and I was really wanting that Fentynel! (Fentynel is a drug that takes the edge off the contractions) So she left to call my Dr and order the meds. It felt like she was gone forever (again) and I had already felt myself progress twice. She checked and I was right, I was now at an 8/9. She hooked me up to the IV and injected the fentynel – I was in heaven! Not really, but the 8/9 contractions felt like 5/6 contractions. It was heavenly to be that far and have my pain deluded so much!!! I'm guessing the Dr. arrived around 7:45am and when he checked I was already at a 10 but didn't quite have the desire to push yet.

My Dr. was amazing. He knew I wanted to go natural and I feared he'd push me too much, but no. He just came in and stood off to the side and calmly and quietly helped me along. He reassured me that if I wasn't feeling the baby progress I could do small pushes and that would help the baby move downward. I did it and he was right, it totally worked, and it didn't really hurt. I mean, it did hurt when the baby moved downward but I only had to do about 3-4 small stomach flexes which made her move once or twice before I felt the desire to push come on.

My contractions were coming large and then small, large and then small, unfortunately for me I started actually pushing at the down of a large contraction, but with one, maybe two pushes max, the Dr. jumped into gear because the head was exposed. My next contraction (a small one) came and I pushed as much and as hard as I could... the head was out but not yet to the eyes. And then... I had NO CONTRACTIONS – Oh the pain!!! The burning!!!!!!!!

Jon was holding one leg and a nurse, the other, but Jon wasn't holding it right and it was causing tons of back pain. I said, "Is there another nurse in here? Jon, you're sucking at this! No offense." They all cracked up, and the nurse who was prepping for the baby rushed over and took his place. I was grateful! (I'm also grateful that Jon didn't take offense because I couldn't help my comment in the heat of the moment)

I was pleading for God to send me another contraction so I could actually push. Finally, I got the strength to push and I'm guessing it must have been a contraction but I was already pushing so I don't know if one had come on or if I was given some super strength to actually push, either way, it was a blessing. I pushed, as hard and as much as I could and then the Dr. announced that the head was out. Oh, the tears of joy I cried!!! I just kept saying to no one in particular: "It's over, it's over... the pain, it's over..." This was the best labor I had ever experienced, EVER!!! Maybe that anyone had ever experienced ever!!! Yeah it hurt, but the amount of pain that I had experienced was so minor compared to my previous deliveries and it was all so fast and the progression was so perfect! I can only assume it's because I had nothing to progress the labor artificially (with Knox they used cervadale to get labor started and with Cylus they used pitocin after my water had already broken naturally). If this is what truly natural labor is like (excluding the fentynel – which I swear by and would continue to swear by if we were going to have more kids) I don't understand why anyone would get induced before their due date. My body progressed AMAZINGLY!!!! I'm still shocked by the simplicity and perfection of it all!!!

With my previous two deliveries this was when I got to finally relax... Just close my eyes while the Dr. got rid of all the other stuff and stitched me up... all pain free (or if there was pain, who cares because it was nothing compared to what I had just experienced)... not so this time...

The placenta wouldn't come out so the Dr. had to push and prod on my stomach... OH, THE PAIN!!! I don't know what all had to come out but apparently the pushing and prodding was never going to end!!! He had to stick his whole hand inside to pull it out... SERIOUSLY, THE PAIN WOULD NEVER END!!! Then, I'm not sure if he thought there was more in there or if it was routine but he literally put his arm up in there... I felt him at my rib cage. He reached in to his elbow and felt around. It all hurt so bad, I just laid there squeezing Jon's arm and crying. Where was the fentynel now!!!??? (Side note – amid the pain I watched the nurse and she didn't seem surprised by this procedure so I assumed it was something she'd seen done before. Either that or they both hated me and wanted to torture me in a completely gruesome way!)

But then I was so grateful because it was finally over... or so I thought...

I had about an hour before we'd be moved to postpartum so we ordered breakfast – I was starving!!! The baby was healthy and perfect and I was so grateful that it was all over – I just sat there relishing the fact that our family was complete and I wouldn't have to do this EVER AGAIN!!!

So, we move to our room and again, I was just relaxing. Jon went to the nursery to give Sweet Emery her first bath and I was talking to my mom, who had called me because she was having trouble getting a show on for the boys. I was in the middle of talking to her when I felt something really gross – two huge gushes of blood came out of me, but they felt funny – they felt like two water balloons that just came rolling out. It was disgusting!!! I said, "Ew, Mom I have to let you go and call the nurse." So the nurse came and checked and apparently I had released two extremely large blood clots... we're talking the size of a football each. She removed them and weighed them and I thought it was over. She helped me go to the bathroom and while there I felt another one fall out. So, not to be gross, but she bent down and watched as I finished peeing to see if another one would come out. I stopped peeing and liquid kept pouring out of me. I said, "What is that?" She said, "You're peeing." I said, "No, I'm not, what is that?" It was amniotic fluid that was just pouring out of me. It was so weird...

So she laid me back down and went to call the Dr. and while there I had another one come out. Another nurse came in. She seemed calm at first but then became nervous. She was shaking and I thought maybe she was new or something. Just in case, I called the nursery to ask Jon to return and apparently right before the call came he saw the nurses racing to my room and he got a little nervous... the call didn't help... He came back immediately and I was grateful!!!

Then it all happened so fast. The football sized blood clots kept coming and there were about 8 nurses in my room poking and prodding on my already pained uterus. I was getting so tired, I felt like I could barely stay awake. They kept saying, "Oh!" and making a troubled face every time another one came out. I'm honestly not sure how my body was producing these giant blood clots so fast. Maybe they were wondering the same thing... I told them that it hurt and asked if I could go to sleep while they worked – they said no. Jon asked why and the main nurse said, "Because she might not wake up." I tried my hardest to stay awake – I did not want to NOT wake up!!! I wondered if I was hemorrhaging but didn't know for sure since they weren't using that term, so I prayed and pleaded with God that if my spirit left my body that it would return. I kept shaking my head and waving my arms in the air, anything I could do that would keep my focus in reality. Staying awake felt almost impossible. My ears had closed up and my peripheral vision was becoming cloudy – kind of like when you've been driving way too long and you can barely keep your eyes open. I kept zoning out and then shaking my head to wake myself up. The nurses were saying stuff like, "stay awake," "don't fall asleep," "stay with us," and I guess at one point Jon said my eyes were closed and they either said "Erika!" or "Wake up!" and my eyes shot back open, I don't remember it but I guess that's to be expected.

Since my Dr. had checked out to hit up a temple session they had to get a hold of his partner to help with the situation. While it was less convenient that my Dr. wasn't there I was glad that he was somewhere that would bless our situation. Anyhow, my Dr's partner was a sweet older man who rubbed my legs and said comforting words. Apparently they were going to do something in the room, right then and there (Jon later told me that they had a bunch of crazy equipment laid out on a table) but the Dr. decided they should start with an emergency D&C, and if that didn't work they'd move on to an emergency hysterectomy. In my dazed stupor I thought – either that'll be awesome because I won't have to worry about having more kids, or I'll start growing a beard... that would suck!!!

The Dr. left to prep. Jon asked if we could get oil and if the Dr. was LDS and could help with a blessing. He was, and did and I was grateful!!! They got back with the anesthesiologist and moved me to another bed. When I looked back, my previous bed was covered in this huge blood stain. I apologized... Haha! My mom taught me well – even amid chaos I'm still polite. ;)

Anyhow, I tried to be brave because I assumed it wasn't something to cry about, but I whimpered the whole way to the surgery room. They knocked me out and then it was over... and I was off to recovery.

Thank goodness – no emergency hysterectomy, no woman beard, and no inability to wake up!!!! The only outcomes: I can't breast feed (but I wasn't planning on it), and if I want to avoid another situation like that, I probably shouldn't have any more kids (which is fine because Sweet was our last – if we can help it!!!). Other than that, I just have to pump myself full of estrogen a few times a week until my uterus heals up. I've had a number of D&C's from miscarriages and I guess this one kind of topped it off – there's a lot of scar tissue...

Concluding Thoughts

I have a few concluding thoughts...

First off, my Dr. – I love him! The attending nurse who was there for my delivery stayed with me the whole time, even when they took me in for the D&C. She was amazing! I love her! She was like a guardian angel and I really believe that I went into labor at the time that I did so that she could be with me. The Dr. who did the D&C – I'm so grateful for him, he brought me comfort from his years of experience and wonderful kindness. I was glad that he performed the D&C. The nursery nurse – I'm so grateful for her. She was so down to earth and made Jon laugh even when the day was kind of sucking! She also was so confident with the baby that I felt comfortable leaving Sweet with her for the entire day. And then even over and above that, the entire nursing staff that tended to me while I was in postpartum – they all felt like family. So kind and sociable and just wonderful!!! I love the staff at the Davis Hospital Women's Center!!!!!!

Second... I know this seems like it was just a crazy, negative experience but it actually was completely spiritual! From just weeks after conception Jon and I both started receiving inspiration about this pregnancy and delivery that followed all the way until the end. It was a great blessing that helped me to see that Heavenly Father is always talking to us and giving us guidance – we just need to listen.

A few verses in Mormon 9 sum it up for me, each speaking to a different aspect of our experience, but most especially verse 25. Heavenly Father gave us much inspiration and He did indeed confirm ALL His words to us.

21 Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.

24 And these signs shall follow them that believe—in my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; they shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover;

25 And whosoever shall believe in my name, doubting nothing, unto him will I confirm all my words, even unto the ends of the earth.

37 And may the Lord Jesus Christ grant that their prayers may be answered according to their faith; and may God the Father remember the covenant which he hath made with the house of Israel; and may he bless them forever, through faith on the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Third and final thought – If you plan to bottle feed, don't listen to the lactitionist and bind yourself. I do this every time and it always makes me feel terrible – like I've been hit by car. I don't know why I continue to listen to their advice. If you want tips from my experience just FB me and I'll message you what I do and it works every time... without causing me to feel like my body is completely sick and shutting down.

The Waiting Game Has Ended!!! (Labor & Delivery Story)

So, because I have a weird obsession of reading people's "I popped a human being out of my junk" stories I'll share my latest one with you... and hopefully it's my last one.

My due date was February 19th (my birthday). On February 20th I still hadn't delivered so I went in for my last checkup. I was dilated to a 4, 90% effaced, and just waiting for my water to break. My Dr. was certain it would happen before I'd have a chance to be induced the following Friday but to play it safe we scheduled it, in the off chance my worst case scenario actually played out.

If you don't remember or haven't read any of my previous posts on labor, I am opposed to an epidural. Not because I think they're bad. I wish I had the guts to get one, but having had spinal surgery years ago, I am terrified of the possible ways a shot in my already altered spine could go wrong. I'm more afraid of mishaps than I am of the pain caused by pushing a human being out of your buiz. I know... kind of pathetic... but oh well...

The following Sunday and Monday (the 22nd and 23rd) we were at my sister's house so I did a few hours each night of Michael Jackson's Just Dance. It was kind of intense and I felt fairly certain that the combination of my Dr. stripping my membranes at my last appointment (on the 20th) and intense dancing would do the trick but as of Monday night, still nothing had happened.

So Monday, before we left my sister's house, we confirmed with her that if I went into labor while at work I would drive to the hospital and Cass would go pick Jon up from Layton and drive him back to Lakeview Hospital in Bountiful... The down side was that I wouldn't see Jon for about an hour and a half after I went into labor - Heck! With my first being 3.5 hrs long, we basically could have a baby by then! But we only have one car and I can't afford to miss work, so we didn't have many other options. Then my mom proposed an alternative plan with her as the driver and it suddenly all felt like it was getting overly complicated, so even though we were not completely happy with any of our options we reluctantly agreed and left.

That night Jon and I said our prayers and afterward Jon said, "I know you want to experience your water breaking and rushing to the hospital, but I want to experience it too. Why don't you go to your meeting tomorrow and then come home and work from here. We'll set the office up and you can work in there." It was a brilliant idea! The next day, Tuesday the 24th, I got up and said my prayers. Backtracking a little bit... the day before when Jon and I prayed we asked specifically for it to happen today, but this time I simply prayed that it would happen when it would give me the least amount of pain so I wouldn't have to get an epidural, and if I had to use pitocin, that I would be able to handle the pain so I wouldn't have to get an epidural!!!

Side note: I really think getting an epidural is on my list of my absolute greatest fears!!!

Anyhow, I left for work at 8:45am and arrived at the office 45 minutes later. Little did I know that during my drive there was a texting conversation that said my meeting was postponed, so on arriving to the office I simply forwarded my calls and left. I must have gotten home around 10:15 and so by 11am I had started working again, this time in our newly set up office.

Around 1pm I went into the family room because I could hear Knox saying that he wanted me to change his diaper as opposed to Jon. I had him lay on the ground and as I knelt down to change it I felt or heard this faint internal pop and warm water gushed out... my water had broken...

The gross thing about your water breaking that I didn't notice with Knox... you feel like you're peeing on yourself over and over again until you pop that kid out! Because your body keeps producing amniotic fluid, so you just keep "peeing" on yourself. It might be one of the grossest feelings ever!!! Whenever it happened, which was like every 15 minutes, I would say "OH GROSS! Make it stop!!!"

Jon raced around, loading bags, making calls, etc, and I ran up to wash off and change clothes.

Taking a shower was a bad idea. I don't know if they always do this but they had to take a test to confirm my water had indeed broken but I had washed everything away... made the whole thing a lot more difficult for the nurses...

When the test results came back and they saw that my water had actually broken they checked me in and hooked me up to the machines. The only problem was that I wasn't actually in labor. My water had broken but I wasn't progressing past a 4, and I was having no contractions, or at least no labor contractions, and nothing consistent.

At 7pm the nursing staff changed and the nurse that took over was the lead. She was completely straight forward and direct as she explained my options. I was glad that she was so blatant.

This was like 30 minutes or less after he popped out... I was a little tired...

Basically I had 24 hours from 1pm to deliver this baby. My body wasn't going into labor so unless I could naturally induce myself by vigorous activity, they'd have to induce me. My inducing options were this. They could start me off with a very small amount of pitocin and then gradually increase it as needed. If I chose not to do this route it's possible my body wouldn't go into labor and then the next day, when the doctor arrived, he'd have to start me on a larger dosage of pitocin to force me into labor. I wasn't going to get an epidural so either I could go the less painful route or the more painful route. If we waited and I refused pitocin, and still didn't go into labor, they'd have to perform a C-section on me. She gave me 15 minutes to decide.

Jon was great! He kept reminding me that even though she seemed authoritative and made her comments sound finite, I was the one in control of how my delivery would go.

Unfortunately, even though I knew that was the case, I could tell that my body wasn't going to start contracting normally and I felt like during my morning prayer, I somehow knew that I would need to use pitocin. But I had to trust that Heavenly Father would help me to keep it within reason so I wouldn't need an epidural. I felt like it was right, so when Heidi (the nurse) returned, I told her that I would go with pitocin, but she wouldn't be allowed to turn it up unless I agreed to it and if I needed it turned back down, she'd have to. She didn't totally agree with my limitations... she just reiterated her stance on it, to which I countered with my own stance. I don't think we ever really agreed with each other but we moved forward. On a positive note Heidi said she'd give me 45 minutes to try to knock myself into labor before they started the drip so Jon and I jumped right in. We did 5 flights of stairs over and over again, up and down, then laps around the hospital, and last, we resorted to the Thriller dance routine. Nothing work...

Around 9pm we started me on the pitocin drip. It was at a 2, which Heidi said was less than 1/4 teaspoon per hr. I was fine with that. We then called my brother-in-law to have him come help Jon give me a blessing. They must have arrived around 9:30pm because when they arrived, the nurse left and Jon and I looked over at the drip... she had raised it to a 4 without telling me... I mean, I knew it would need to be raised... I wasn't having contractions still (I had 1 in 30 minutes), but it was the principle of her doing it without my approval. I wasn't cool with that but I tried ignoring it so my mind could be in the right place for a blessing.

I don't remember what Jon said during the blessing but I remember the distinct impression that I would deliver before midnight and I would be able to do it without an epidural. That was all I needed.

Almost immediately after they left, which was around 9:45 or 10pm I started having consistent contractions. They were about 6 minutes apart but after 30 minutes of it at that pace Heidi insisted we increase the pitocin to a 5. Sometime during it being at a 4 I felt myself dilate further and I asked Heidi to check me but she said she wanted to wait. Jon was not happy with her attitude but I agreed on the condition that if I need it turned back down, she would have to turn it down! Heidi just started talking about raising it to a 6 next but I was like... If I can't handle 5, we're not going to 6! She didn't say anything and left the room. Within minutes of it being at a 5 I was having strong contractions back to back. They were literally happening every minute. I couldn't handle it. They felt like I was dilated to an 8 or 9 but I was only at a... I guessed between a 5 and 7. Anyhow, Heidi came back in and I asked her to turn it down because they're happening so quickly but she was like... "No, those contractions aren't coming every minute." I was like... DUDE! Are you going to believe me or the machine!!! I didn't say that but man I wanted to.

Side note: I didn't not say it because I was trying to be kind... I didn't say it because A.) I was so focused on what was going on with my body I couldn't really think about my frustration with her, and B.) I wanted to keep myself focused to allow myself to stay in-tuned with the Spirit. I couldn't really think about my frustration with her until it was over, but by that time I was grateful for her... so... anyhow...


So, at this point Heidi finally checked me and found that I was dilated to a 7. She called the Dr. and told him to come over, and then started prepping the room. I was still having contractions like crazy so I asked her to turn it back to a 4. She didn't want to but I demanded. I was like "you have to, I can't handle it at this amount." Plus, I was progressing fast and I didn't technically need to have the kid till sometime the next day. We did not need to move faster than I could handle!!! She turned it back to 4 and I started having labor contractions at a steady 3 minutes apart. That probably happened around 10:45pm. Now at 4, I was good. Yes, it was painful but she had finally allowed me to have the painkiller that takes the edge off... basically it takes one of two pains away. The lactose intolerance pain disappears but you still have the lower back pain. So when I'd get a contraction I just had to roll to the side and wait out the lower back pain. This felt do-able!!!

At some point during this time I asked her to check me again, I could tell I had dilated further... it must have been 11pm by this time and she found I was dilated to a 9. About 10 minutes later the Dr. still hadn't arrived and I knew I wasn't allowed to push till I was at a 10 so I... as casually as I could... said "I kind of want to push, is he close???" She was like, "He's almost here, so tell me when you're at the point of needing to push." I was like "I NEED TO PUSH!" She came and checked me again and I was already at a 10. This kid was coming fast!!!

She then came straight to my side and started taking me through breathing exercises to help me resist pushing. It was hard! I would cross my legs and focus as much as I could to hold back. I think this happened about 5 times before he actually arrived. That was difficult!!!

You can't push till you're at a 10 because if you do you could make your cervix swell, or something like that... but it's really bad. And well, the Dr. wasn't there so pushing would be bad for that reason too. But let's just be gross and real here for a quick second... imagine you have the fattest load that you need to drop and a turtle head is pokin' out... and it's READY... and then you're told you can't go, you need to hold that bad boy in for who knows how long... TORTURE RIGHT!!! That's what it felt like...

When he got there Heidi told him to suit up ASAP and as he did they pulled my knees to my chest and allowed me to start pushing.

A few side notes on why this sucked. Your joints are loose so they pop in and out of place, when they pulled my knees up at some point during pushing my right hip bone popped out and I cried asking them to let my legs down but they wouldn't. My upper body flopped for a second like a fish trying to get my leg back in place while it was in such an awkward position. I don't know that it did exactly but it was close enough to be bearable.


I only pushed max 7 times and the kid was out. He was delivered at 11:35pm. The funny thing is that it happened so quickly that his head didn't have time to go cone shaped so he came out with a normal round head.

Admittedly, I wanted to push instinctively but however he was positioned... he was maybe on a nerve in my bladder or something... because whenever I would have a full bladder I would have sharp pains until I went to the bathroom. So when I was delivering that pain was magnified by a million it felt like!!! The burning sting shooting from my bladder was literally twice as bad as normal labor pains. I knew that the sting wouldn't stop until he got out so I just kept pushing as hard as I could. When it was done it seemed like everyone went to the baby and I just laid there crying saying "It hurt so bad! I can't believe it hurt so bad!"

If you're thinking about going natural it's totally do-able. The only reason it was so painful this time for me was because of the bladder pain. From my experience there are 4 stages of labor pain:

• Stage 1 - dilated from 5-6 - lactose intolerance pain
• Stage 2 - dilated from 7-8 - lactose intolerance pain and lower back pain (like hip bone pain)
• Stage 3 - dilated to a 9 - lower back pain increases so much that you forget the lactose pain
• Stage 4 - dilated to a 10 - lower back pain and major "I need to crap" pressure!!!

With pitocin however, I skipped stage 1 and went straight to stage 2, even though I wasn't dilated that far. So when I was at a 6/7 I felt like I was at an 8/9. I am glad I didn't have to experience anything higher than a 5. But I really think that even though Heidi frustrated me to start with, she ended up being a major blessing because she was there for the whole 2.5 hours coaching me through my breathing which I believe made all the difference!

Captured Jon and Knox having a very serious conversation about the new addition... Knox was iffy... ;)

The Waiting Game

I took this picture last week or the week before. I was due on February 19th but as of today, the 22nd, this baby is still hanging out in his first residence... my uterus. At my last Dr. appointment, which just happened this last Friday (the 20th), I was at 4cm and who knows what effacement. I'm sure it was close to 100% because a few weeks ago I was at 90, and this baby has been at a zero in my body for about two weeks (meaning the lowest he can get before I go into active labor).

Anyhow, my Dr. is certain I'll go on my own but he won't allow me to go past a week so to play it safe he scheduled me to come in Friday the 27th between 7 and 7:30am to break my water but I pray I don't have to get induced!!! He did perform a little uncomfortable procedures though, that he said "if it's going to work for you, it'll happen in the next 24 hrs." Unfortunately nothing happened. So I stayed home from work but it was pointless... If it doesn't happen tonight I'll be back in the office tomorrow. I'm praying that it does happen though. Love my job but I want this baby out more! Or at least I don't want to be induced more. Other than morphine I have to go natural and I want to avoid as much pain as I can. With my first he tried knocking me into labor with a Cervidale and it totally worked. Morphine was my best friend for it and I was done in 3.5 hrs. This time however, I'm farther along so he can't use it anymore... we'd go to the next step which is breaking the water. He says that would throw me into labor but my body is pretty stubborn, I'm afraid it wouldn't and he'd have to start me on a patocin drip. (I'm probably slaughtering the spellings on these medications)... anyhow, we'll see how it goes. Prayers that I go into labor on my own and before Friday. And that I can realize when I am in labor. My pains with Knox, well, I felt them but I didn't know they were labor. It felt like the baby was just stretching, that is until the stomach pains started and I thought I was having a lactose intolerance attack. I guess when it gets to the stomach ache, that's when I go in. Who knows... I've done it before but I still feel clueless...

Baby #2 Announcement

As you may or may not know, Jon and I are about to have baby #2. We're excited! He's due February 19th (my birthday).

We actually just published an announcement video, which admittedly is pretty lame and ugly but the song is cute. To our defense, for various reasons, we just simply waited too long and I couldn't seem to manage enough energy to film. My hands were shaky and by the end of the day I was so exhausted I simply couldn't see the shot anymore. (Originally I thought it was because I had just been out of shooting for so long but I realized later that it was just the fatigue). Anyhow, here it is and for what it's worth, enjoy!
 

Cylus from Erika & Jon Huff on Vimeo.

Line Upon Line

Everything comes line upon line... today I got another line...

I joined the church because I felt the Spirit tell me it was right, and I believed it was the path that I was supposed to follow. But before my baptism I told my friend that I’d still party every once in a while, and I told the missionaries that I was doing this because I believed it’s what we are commanded to do, but that I didn’t want to join the church. I didn’t want to be a “Mormon” (good for that missionary for having the faith to stick with me and baptize me anyway). As an outsider, something about it seemed cultish and I wasn’t down with that!

I had a change of heart when I went into the water though. Literally, right as I came up out of the water, I wiped my face and said, “I’m a Mormon!” I suddenly was totally okay with being viewed as a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I realized that I would never “party” again… or at least never do those things that you do at parties.

So I joined the church because I knew that God had touched my heart to follow this path, and I was going to do it no matter what, but other than that, I was honestly pretty clueless. My sister was a ball of fire. She understood instantly. She started serving as a ward missionary and was amazing with her quick understanding of the gospel. I was not that fast. I struggled, trying to understand the things I learned and have those things make sense when they may have clashed with my previous beliefs. I became a recluse studying the Book of Mormon even though I honestly didn’t know how to really study so I just read it over and over again.

So sometime between 2000 and 2002 I decided to pray about the Book of Mormon. I did it multiple times and each time the power of my answer was intense!!! I knew it was truly translated from ancient records, that the stories were true, and that they were scripture that God wanted on the earth for His children. Just like the Bible, but from His disciples who were living on the American continent.

Likewise, since I was baptized and ever since, I’ve pondered on points of the gospel until they make sense or I have clarity in them, or in other words, until I’ve gained a testimony in them. I was lucky that I had gained a strong testimony of the Book of Mormon because as I struggled with points of the doctrine I kept reminding myself that if the Book of Mormon was true then there has got to be truth to what I was struggling with... I just needed greater understanding. And as time went on it came… though sometimes it took years… one such topic took me six years to understand. I just held on to what I knew was true until it happened.

Anyhow, so I have a testimony in the Doctrine of Christ, I have a testimony of the Book of Mormon, I have a testimony that God has blessed us with Prophets and Apostles today and that those men are good, righteous men… not because people are telling me that but because I can see for myself. Their actions bear good fruit. And because of how I’ve grown and the spirit that they bring. I've been around some of them, I've felt the light of the Spirit radiating from them. I know they have truly been commissioned by God to share His word. But... something I never really had… A testimony in Joseph Smith.

I know we learn line upon line and precept upon precept. Well, when it came to Joseph Smith my first line was realizing that if the Book of Mormon is true, and the church is true, and the priesthood really was restored, then it stands to reason that Joseph Smith really was a prophet, and a primary instrument in bringing about the restoration of the same church organization that existed while Christ was on the earth. But even with this mathematical summation I still had a few doubts in him. I just never really KNEW it... never really FELT it! You know what I mean.

Well today, while reading a transcript from some talk given at some meeting a few years ago, I realized what a feat it would have been for him to accomplish all that he did, had it not been for divine instruction.

He would have had to come up with some crazy story about his own spiritual experience. Then stick to it for however many years, watching friends and family get persecuted because they believed him, then going to prison how many times for it, and finally being murdered by a mob because of it. That’s some conviction!

Along with that, there’s the Book of Mormon… I think of all the work and planning that goes into writing a 120 page script… all the changes to make the story more sound... I just don’t know how plausible it is to think that he came up with a concept for a story that spanned hundreds, maybe thousands of year (sorry, I don’t have a BOM with me right now so I can’t give an accurate number at this moment), that fulfilled prophecies talked about throughout the Bible, which also spanned however many years, and yet never created an outline, never took notes on what needed to be in it, never said to his scribe “hmm, that concept doesn’t totally work, let’s come back to it and re-work it.” Nope, it was just him reading to a scribe who wrote for hours on end without going back, without scribbling out errors… just straight writing… And in the end came some powerful stories that, like I said, spanned thousands of years. So either it was really transcribed from ancient writing or Joseph Smith was a literary genius… I’m leaning toward the first.

Then along with all that, he organized a church, he prepared lessons and taught, he expounded on gospel principles, he had a family, he did a ton! I think of how I try to do it all right now and I struggle and fail miserably!!! I really believe that the only way he could have accomplished so much, learned so much, and taught so much in the short span of his life is because he was receiving inspiration from God. And he was receiving that inspiration because he was called to be an instrument in restoring the fullness of Christ’s gospel to the earth.

I know this isn’t a perfect testimony but it’s another line that is building my testimony in him, and I’m glad to have it.

The Big Investments

We did something crazy before the year started! Something we never expected to do while living in Utah!!! Okay, I'll just say it... We bought a house!!!

"What!" you say?

That's right, we bought a house.

"Weren't you planning to move to California?"

Yes, and we still are but we HAD to up-size from the tiny apartment that we were paying $570 for because we were starting to look like serious hoarders. Along with that, it's expensive to rent a three bedroom apartment. The best I could find was $1100 for a townhouse in Centerville. It's a great little place with a great price, but we wanted normal sized bedrooms. The two bedroom (which is what we lived in at that place before) has huge rooms but the three bedroom has tiny, little, closet-sized rooms. Outside of those Garden View Townhouses, we couldn't find a place we'd be comfortable living in that was cheaper than $1300-$1400. Our mortgage is $1000. Well, that's what it is after all the little extra costs are added, so the actual mortgage is like $700-something... And that's with a backyard all to ourselves, more sq. footage, and an office.

Anyhow, I'm sure you want to see house pics, so here they are. But please note that these photos are from the appraisal so they're kind of bland. We're still living out of boxes so I need to find my camera gear and hook my computer back up. Haven't done that yet...

Inside there are three levels. The main level has a front room, kitchen, and dining room. The lower level has a family room, an office, a laundry room, and a bathroom. And the upper level has two regular bedrooms, a bathroom, and a master bedroom / bathroom.

Here's the front room and kitchen. The appraisal photo of the dining room is totally blurry so I didn't add that, but it has french doors, which I'm excited about.

Here's the family room.

And here's the master bedroom.

It's nothing special (everything is builder quality) but it has a ton of room for growth. We've painted Knox's room, the family room, and we just started on the front room. I'll post before and after pics as soon as we get a room fully set up.

The major issue though... The last owners used it as a rental for almost 9 years, and the last set of renters fried foods all the time!!! They killed the kitchen (little did we know). We just found out yesterday that we won't be able to reface the kitchen like we planned, we'll have to get a whole new kitchen. SOOOO, say goodbye to granite counter-tops and hello to IKEA!!! That's okay though, at least it'll be clean and grease free!!!

Anyhow, I'm excited to show you how we progress!!! Wish us luck!!!

This Is Long Overdue...

Have you ever had one of those things that years ago you did or didn't do, that you regret? Every once in a while one of those things will pop into my head and I think "Man! You were an idiot!!!" There's actually one that continues to haunt me, and has for the last 14 years. Nothing major... just something I didn't say...

You see, when I was in high school I was a party animal. I wasn't "the life of the party" or anything like that, I just liked to have fun and I did it often... a little too often to be honest... When I was a Sophomore I hung out with the Seniors, when I was a Junior I hung out with the Seniors, and when I was a Senior all of my friends had already graduated, so I had plenty of opportunities for exciting weekends (and week days) all throughout my high school career. Needless to say I wasn't the best student but I aced socializing!

That's probably why so many people were curious about my decision to quit everything that I had been doing and join the "Mormon" church. At school I was asked so often about my decision, why I was doing it, and what it was about the church that made me want to join it. At the time I hadn't really analyzed my decision, I just knew that it was something that I felt inside that I had to do. All I could say was, "It just felt right."

I wish I would have said so much more... At the time I had so many questions about God, the purpose of this life, and where we were going after we die. It had been sparked a few months before when I took my little cousin into a store at the mall where she could trick-or-treat. Instead of candy they gave out a pamphlet called "This Was Your Life," and it was about a guy who had partied away his chance to get into heaven. I read it as we were walking around the mall and I don't remember a ton about it but it definitely made me start thinking about what I was doing with my life even at that young age.

I started asking people what they thought. I don't remember who all I asked but I remember my mom saying "I don't know baby," and I remember the Lutheran guy who taught me my lessons before I could get baptized telling me "I don't know. It's something that God feels we don't need to know." Someone else told me that we're here to "worship" and that in the next life we'll be with God and we'll be there "worshiping him forever." I understood my moms... how would she know? I'm sure if she knew, she would have told me along the way. I thought the Lutheran guy's answer was crap. That seems like an important thing to figure out, I can't believe God wouldn't want us to know... someone had to know!!! And the last answer, I just remember thinking... that sounds boring as heck! I wonder if the other place will be more fun.

After a few weeks I forgot about my question and went on with life. Till one night I was on my way to a party and had to swing by the house to pick up some cash. It was dark but I saw the backs of two guys approaching our door in suits. I thought they were police. My sister and I got out and talked to them... come to find out they were guys about our age. They both went by the name Elder and they were from a church. We gave them our number and told them to call our mom. After that my mom started meeting with them... this went on for months. She didn't want to join their church to be honest, she just wanted to talk about God. They would teach us the same lessons over and over and she'd ask the same questions over and over, which I thought was hilarious. Personally, I checked out most of the time. I didn't know much about what they were teaching and I hated that they'd ask me questions that I couldn't answer, so I'd just sit there and zone out.

Then one day my sister swung by to pick up some stuff and the Elders were there teaching. They'd ask questions and my mom would give the exact same answers that she always had... but my sister heard it and from the bathroom she'd yell the answer. Then she'd come in and explain it to us in layman's terms. It started to make sense. My sister joined their church pretty quickly. I still wasn't sure. They'd meet with me and try to get me to commit but I just couldn't. I heard it, I didn't feel it. I couldn't commit to something that needed so much of me when I wasn't that invested and I didn't know if I really believed what they were saying.

Then it was the day of my sisters baptism. My mom and I came home afterward, she went inside and started watching TV or reading or something, and I went outside to have a... um... since I work for the church now, I feel weird saying it... so I'll just say "a little cloud of smoke..." I went outside to have a little cloud of smoke, and as I was sitting there I started thinking, "okay, I feel like I have two roads before me, one I don't know that I get, but for some reason it feels like a viable option, the other is where I am now. Should I take that new road?" Just then the clouds moved and the sun shone through right on this little flower in front of me, and I got this warm feeling through my entire body. It was like just asking the question sincerely was like taking the red pill. I had a 100% change of heart. No words, no distinct thought, I just knew I chose the new and unknown road. I put my little cloud of smoke out, and walked inside to get rid of the rest of my word of wisdom issues. The funny thing is that it was only after I was baptized that I realized that they had completely answered the questions that I had months before.

So now after all these years I wish I would have said this. I had question about where we came from, why we are here, and where we are going. The missionaries answered them. And not with an answer that made me say "okay, that's decent rationing..." No, their answers were like hearing truth, a truth that I knew way deep down inside that had suddenly been awakened. They helped me to remember something that I knew long before coming to this earth. That I am a daughter of God. That we are all His sons and daughters. Literally created, spirit children of a loving Father in Heaven. While there we learned and progressed in an effort to become more like our Father, but there was something He had that we did not. A physical body. So he created a world where we could gain a physical body, and progress by having experiences and making choices. And he provided clues and directors along our way. Prophets and apostles, scriptures, the Holy Ghost, an internal ability to know what's right and what's wrong. But even with all of this, He knew we couldn't come back to live with Him because no matter how many arrows he put along our path, we'd deviate. We'd sometimes get confused, distracted, or even go just completely off track... something we couldn't do if we wanted to live with him again. So he sent a Savior to come and provide an act of mercy that would encompass all the earth and anyone who would ever live upon it. An act that wouldn't rob the justice that was due for our sins but fulfill it, while mercifully cleansing us and allowing us to enter back into our Father's presences, if we would just seek to sincerely accept the sacrifice. And after this life, we'll continue to learn and grow, as we strive to become more like our Father in Heaven.

Taking "Me" Back Update

On July 20, 2012 I did a post titled Taking "Me" Back and said I would update you on it. Well, here's a 2 years later update:

1. Time Management - I still struggle with it but as long as the TV is off I'm so much more productive, and I started making lists for myself again so that is a huge help
2. Finances - We're pretty good here. I don't remember my struggles before but I haven't been worried about it for a while, so that's good.
3. Health - We got a gym membership and I never go but after I get off work we always go somewhere so it just feels good walking... plus my job has changed so I'm not sitting around editing 11-13 hours a day, which rocks! I actually get off work at 5pm so I have more time in the day to be active. I love it!!!
4. Home - I don't know what my concern was with this... I guess I didn't read my post well enough, but Jon is amazing at keeping the house clean Monday through Friday so I have the weekends now, which makes life easier.
5. Secure stability for my future - Still working on this. Other than student loans and a credit card or two we're out of debt, we finally got insurance about a year ago... maybe longer, so we can actually go to the Dr., and we have a savings account. I feel pretty good even though I do have new goals for our future which I've recently started working on, but we'll talk about that later.
6. Spirituality - I think I'm doing much better. I mean... we always go to church... we always say our meal prayers... we always say a family prayer at night before we go to bed, and I always read scriptures and pray on my own at night before going to bed. But just going through the actions is not enough... I try to have a constant prayer in my heart and I started reading and praying in the morning before I start my day. It seems to make everything better and gets my mind in the right place for the day. Something I'm still trying to do is make sure that I set time aside for a good long prayer... not any set time... just sitting down, by myself and having a sincere minute or 10 or whatever it needs to be. I use to do it all the time but it seems like every moment is full of something so it's much harder these days. That's okay though... it's a work in progress.

Anyhow, feelin' pretty good about where we are. We're still trying to progress in a number of areas so goals are good. I like having things to shoot for...

WOW! It's been forever!

Oh my goodness! It's been forever since I posted!!!

I'll have to get back into the habit of blogging.

Since my last post was about the benjamin's we have saved quite a bit of money which was AWESOME because we paid off a few random bills we had laying around... Knox's delivery, and early hospital bills, a couple little day surgeries that I had, a few regular bills, and now we have two credit cards that we have to pay off and we'll be totally out of debt. To be honest we probably would have been totally debt free had we been more wise but always being frugal makes you want to break loose sometimes!

Anyhow, who cares about money! So much has and hasn't happened.

I got accepted to school! Ya!
I had to defer! Ohhh...
I got promoted! Ya!
I'm still in Utah! Ohhh...

Hopefully more to come later...

Until then nice chatting with you again and I'll have to get back on this bloggin' bandwagon cuz I'm kind of sucking at it.

Peace!

PS. In case you're like... it hasn't been 2 years... it was, I just started adding photos that I took since my last post.

Senior Pictures - Sexie Lexie

This is my Sexie Lexie, whom I adore. She came to Utah and we decided to do her senior pictures. These are just a few of the thousands of pictures we took. Seriously, how cute is she!?!?!

Okay, so on this one... we didn't quite take into account that the sun would be setting on the side that the houses were all built on... so we set up and did a few. I like this layout but the houses kill it and Lex looks like she was waiting for us to start.